7 Types Of Guys
There is a common misconception that “all guys are the same”. That’s simply not true; there are actually several different ‘species’ – so to speak – of men, all slightly different in their traits. So, I’ve come up with seven wild generalisations to help you make the distinction.
1. The Mummy’s Boy
His room is well decorated, his laundry freshly washed and stored away in his cupboard; what a mature man you’ve stumbled across. That is until you find out he has his own version of the helper elf: his mum. At first, it’s endearing that he is so close to his mother. That is, until you make one comment about, say, wanting to go on holiday without her. Before you know it his reaction will send you out of the door faster than you can say “Crawl back into her womb.”
Common traits: Often spotted in conspicuous places with his mum. Treating her to lunch at a restaurant, giggling over a coffee together and sharing his deepest decisions with her. Basically, anywhere that looks like a nice place for a romantic date, you’ll find this guy there …with his darling mum in tow.
Dating tips: If you are dating this guy, beware that those apron strings will never be severed, no matter how hard you saw at them. Or, even worse, you may end up being the one to take her place.
2. The Child
Waking up in the morning, there’s something digging in to your back and no, it isn’t what you’re thinking. It’s a Star Trek figurine. Under his The Simpsons sheets. And as you step out of bed, yes, that is a remote control car you’ve just crushed.
Common traits: Whinging during a board game that it’s not fair you rolled a six. Whining that he wants a McDonald’s for dinner. Just general moaning, really.
Dating tips: Run away. Sorry, that’s not helpful. Embrace his love for programmes meant for children and accept that even if you didn’t want to be, you are now a mother. Congratulations!
3. The Lad
Who is that obscene specimen bellowing from the car window at some girls? Of course. It’s ‘the Lad’. Every group of friends has one of these. You will spot them easily as they are the only person in the group who will do things that no one else will and are the one’s to make the night go from rubbish to crazy in an instant.
Common traits: Often seen whacking his balls out in a club or downing a dirty pint while his male onlookers exclaim that he is ‘such a lad’. This one is the closest relative to the ape.
Dating tips: You’ll need a good sense of humour and to be prepared that you will be the one carrying him home after a night out.
4. The Designer Label
This one is most comfortable in the VIP section of the club, not mixing with the other riff raff species in case they spill a drink on his Rolex watch. A bottle of Moet on ice glistens on the table as his species pity those chugging a vodka lemonade. So, it’s a good job mummy and daddy have lots of money to fuel his lavish lifestyle; this guy wouldn’t be seen dead trying to earn anything, least of all cash.
Common traits: Rolling around in their first car: a brand new BMW with equally glitzy girls filling the back seats. Likes to think he is famous and probably will end up on some reality TV show to showcase his perfect life.
Dating tips: Unless you are Miss designer label, don’t even attempt to date this one. Most normal people with bills will crumble under the pressure of his £100 dates and outfits that cost more than you make in a year.
5. The Control Freak
What’s that? The 7th text from him in an hour asking where you are and when you will be back? You’d like to think he’s your Mr Grey because his stalker-ish ways are just so endearing.
Common traits: His most common catch phrase is: “Are you really going out wearing that?” He likes to join you on girls’ nights to ‘get to know your friends’ but instead spends the entire evening staring down any guy who dares look your way.
Dating tips: Unless his controlling ways are watered down – and only because he is worried about you – do not go anywhere near, especially if you are someone who enjoys having a life.
6. The Clown
It’s raining outside, everyone is hung over, and yet there’s one guy who is still chuckling his way through the day. It’s the same guy who owns a unicycle and is the owner of ‘100 Greatest Magic Tricks’.
Common traits: Every meeting with him begins with a joke: “Knock knock. Come on, ask me who’s there!”
Dating tips: It’s safe to say you will never have a dull moment. However, if you are someone who likes a predictable guy that is sensible and dependable, this one’s probably not your type!
7. The Player
This guy is similar to the clown in the fact that he juggles. Instead of balls though, he likes to mess with girls. One on his arm, another sexting and 20 back ups for when his favourite gets ill or something equally as inconsiderate.
Common traits: Good looking and even more charming; you know he’s bad news but as soon as you try to walk away, but he sucks you back in with his lecherous tentacles. His favourite pre-rehearsed lines are: “You’re the only girl I’m talking to” and “I know I’ve cheated in the past, but it’s different with you. You’re special.” Cue heart melting or skin crawling, depending on how well you know him.
Dating tips: Time to face up; he’s not going to change. You aren’t going to be the one to make him a better man. He will stay a player until someone breaks his heart and he realises what a scumbag he really is.