Top 10 Real Break Up Tips
It’s not you, it’s me. Really? The harsh reality of a break up is that they are not going to be easy for the dumper or the dumpee. Either way it’s time to face the music with what I like to call ‘break up admin’.
For women, the first thing other women seem to advise in break up articles is buying a new lip gloss, getting a haircut or going on a night out. As a woman, these are interesting distractions, but when facing the unpleasant task of traversing the treacherous waters of ‘the end’, here are some practical break up tips that will help you keep your dignity…
1. Move out
No really, move out. A huge number of unmarried couples who go through a break up are left with months to go on shared tenancy agreements, and a fight on their hands about who is going to stay in the flat. The practical thing to do is to work out which of you can actually afford to live in the flat alone, and then for the other person to move out. Please make it a priority, if only for your sanity.
2. Separate joint finances
It seemed a good idea at the time didn’t it? Opening a joint account, and filling it with dreams for your future. But now it is over, what do you do? The first thing to do, if it is not an amicable split, is to freeze the account. The second thing to do is find proof of the money you contributed to the account, particularly if you were the main contributor. The easiest way to do this is to print off old bank statements or find old paying in slips if you made cash deposits.
3. Don’t hold onto their property
Do you really want that musty old t-shirt or their shameful Wet Wet Wet album? Whether your motive is punishment or to lure them back, just don’t. Six months from now, when the dust has settled, the loss of dignity will really matter. Likewise, if you move out of a shared property, remove all valuable property, like computers, games consoles etc that are solely yours- particularly if you are the dumper.
4. Do not have sex with them again
Someone I know once told me, “if you want closure, start with your legs”. Whilst I roared with laughter, they had a point. How can you get over them if you are reminded, on a regular basis, of that amazing thing they do with their tongue?
5. Do not stalk them online
Delete them from all forms of contact, including Facebook, Twitter and other social networks. When I go through a break up or want to remove someone from my life, the best thing to do is delete their number, delete them from Facebook and unfollow them on Twitter. If you can’t see it, it can’t hurt you.
6. Avoid their local pub
I know it seemed totally plausible (in your daydream) that you would breeze into their local, looking stunning and watch their jaw drop in regret and lust, but it doesn’t always happen. To be honest, if they deserve you they would be wowed by you if you walked down the street with a bit of egg on your jumper.
7. Don’t tell their friends anything
The best thing you can do is get onto Facebook (again) and make a separate friends list entitled ‘his friends’; put them and any other gossip or so-called mutual friend on there, and change your privacy settings so they can’t see a thing. And those friends that tag the ex in a sleazy club two nights later? You can go ahead and remove them from your feed. Handy.
8. Don’t rebound
Getting under someone else, despite the old wives tale, is not the way to get over someone. What happens is that you transfer some of that old confusion and bitterness to some poor person who just wanted a bit of fun. And then you have to rebound from the rebound, and there just aren’t enough days in the week for all that.
Now is the time to take a look at yourself, and I don’t mean having a look at your clothes and deciding you want to be a completely different person wardrobe-wise; you can do that any time without being broken hearted (and therefore more likely to make fashion mistakes). This is the time to think about the things that you did to contribute to the demise of the relationship. You would be unwise to attempt this process the following weekend, but there will, after a few months, come a time when it is not so raw and the wounds won’t smart so much when you examine them.
10. Remain single for a minimum of 6 months
This is pretty self-explanatory, but you need this time to move on. That and to enjoy being single, which is a very underrated life choice.
And if all else fails, you can form the basis of a musical career based on the struggles of no ‘mans’ land!