How To Tell If He Likes You
Out of fear of being misinterpreted as soppy or seen as clingy, many girls avoid being direct with whoever they’re seeing, instead opting for the avenue of confusion and guesswork. This gets even more confusing when you consider that the creature that is the modern day lad has evolved into a master manipulator after working out for himself how to disguise his carnal motives as romantic gestures, thus leaving their casual other half fairly bewildered, and perhaps even feeling a little used. So how do you tell if he likes you?
Firstly, the circumstances of how you meet can reveal a lot. If you used the Cupid of booty calls that is Tinder, for example, it’s likely that the guy is plain and simply seeking a giddy, good time until the next time he swipes, and is utilising you as a willing participant with no strings attached to fuse such pleasure. The same can be said for club nights in many situations where even the seedy social network of sexting goes out the window and in comes alcohol, loud music and groups of lads scouting their next target.
Then there’s the boyfriend situation. Stranger things have happened than girls time and time again falling for someone who, if he was a hotel, would read ‘no vacancy’. It should be clear from the outset though that such a Lothario is either chasing his next adrenaline rush at the prospect of being a pretty naughty boy, or is allured by the notion that he can still make other women swoon for him. Either way, stay clear.
The morning after the night before presents to us some classic symptoms of casual-lad syndrome. If he departs from your lusty night together at the very first opportunity – whether it be once he’s tidied himself up, or at the crack of dawn – then don’t hold your breath. In the same way, if you made it through that first glimmer of hope, you may still be bogged down by awkward conversation or silence to the point of boredom tears cracking out. What about future contact? Well, assuming you want any, it may be stinted if he doesn’t even give you his number. These, ladies, are the signs that you’ve been banged and binned at the first hurdle. Whether you feel care-free and erotically reckless, or disappointed and objectified, it’s time to accept that you won’t be introducing him to your parents anytime soon.
However if the scenario is a totally different one, idyllic and sweet in setting, whereby you and your close friend just got closer or you meet a guy whose initial intentions have some clarity around them, then it may not be bad news after all. Take note of your topics of conversation and how much interest he has in what’s going on in your life. The bang-and-bin breed often get bogged down by their sexual appetite, thus focusing merely on such banal chat, fantasising about your next time together, requesting pictures and maybe more. On the contrary, Mr Right will be making a great effort to get to grips with you, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes, and your history.
Dating is tricky. Once you get asked out somewhere and you spend a lifetime preparing in every way you can, it’s not surprising that you may be left wondering what went wrong when you rock up to Nando’s. Unless he has a profound love of all things peri peri, this isn’t the best sign. A bit of care and attention geered towards what he thinks you would like is nothing but a good sign. Taking it slow is also pretty positive, so long as he’s being extra courteous rather than nervous. So, there may not be an overload of PDA, but that’s really not the end of the world at this stage.
When you do finally get to the sex barrier – assuming you hadn’t already had a one night stand – there are so many giveaways in understanding what he wants from you. Contraception isn’t too great of a sign as one-night lads can vary across the spectrum from being super careful so as not to impregnate you, to wanting to take the bareback punt in search of a risk and thrill. On the other hand, what he does with his tools once he’s prepared is the real test. In and out in 30 seconds for a flying visit does not fill you with hope, and no wonder; it’s selfish. Attentiveness in the form of asking “Are you sure you want to do this?” or “Are you okay?” should not be amiss if he really cares about you, and isn’t just helping himself. His selflessness may shine through in other ways too; take note of what he does or doesn’t do, who he is aiming to please and how close he is with you. It may be the first time, but it could also be the last, so there’s no harm in trying to figure it out for yourself.
The last golden sign is how Mr Right or Wrong reacts to and communicates with you when around his friends. Does he routinely report back to them on his progress with you but then gets dismissive with you when in their company? Another aspect of the bang and bin guy is this idea that he will promote with body language and text language: he’s so impressive and untouchable, because he had you, not has you. But what if he just doesn’t want you around his friends too early in case they embarrass him? Cute. Being introduced to your man’s mates is nerve-wracking but quite fulfilling; he’s approved you as a match for himself and wants to show you off – because he has you, not had you.
Whilst some of this may sound like it’s come from a bra-burner who hates the specimen that is the modern day lad, it’s not the case. People come in all shapes and sizes, with mixed attitudes and behaviours. To try and pin down the psychology of a gender group is more than a big task, but, as noted, you can work out for yourself where it’s going if he plays by these lad rules and guides you down either the ‘yes’ or ‘no’ path for himself. Otherwise, there’s a whole world of confusion out there for you to sample.
How do you tell if a guy likes you?