Summer Ending Makes Me Happy
I’m glad holidays are over. I know this is not something anyone would expect to hear, but I can’t help it; I am happier now that summer and holidays are over. Don’t be mad, don’t be nostalgic, just be patient and I will explain why I love September and I feel this way about summer.
Holidays are the perfect time for a relaxing time – just hanging out, enjoying the sunny weather and long walks. Holidays are supposed to be a period of time for you to relax and enjoy yourself. Sometimes a time when you can travel and be away from home for a while.
Most people do like holidays and they often enjoy not going to work or school, which is basically not having a strong routine, instead just going with the flow. Honestly, it’s all my friends talk about since they’ve come back – how long until they go on holidays again. Sometimes they are constantly talking about how cool the places they visited were and how many people they met. Which is completely fine and cool, but it’s not the same thing I experience during holidays.
When you suffer from social anxiety, holidays can look a lot like hell. Just like that, I said it. I have enjoyed my holidays, but honestly, it was really exhausting. I would like to be able to tell my friends how much it takes for me and my brain to process all our sporadic trips and meetings. Of course I love my friends, and of course I love parties and to be around friends, but my brain is not too cooperative when it comes to dealing with social situations. It’s like if I had two mental processes at the same time: on one hand, I’m speaking and enjoying my friends’ company, but at the same time my brain is sending me a “danger signal2 that causes me anxiety, like ‘hey, are you comfortable with yourself because I’m pretty sure you’re ugly and everyone is thinking you’re ugly right now’ or ‘hey, that complete stranger is staring at you, he probably just hates you’. So it’s like a battle between myself and I. Always convincing myself there’s no danger in social situations and it’s just a nice time with friends. I have handled my anxiety pretty well this summer, but oh my gosh, it was really exhausting. My brain didn’t give me a break, so when I came back home, I just wanted to be alone.
When you have anxiety you spend a lot of time struggling with certain thoughts, and blocking those thoughts is tiring. Last summer I wasn’t even able to leave my house because I used to have panic attacks and awful thoughts that just invaded my mind and wouldn’t let me live in peace.
Besides all these exhausting issues, there’s something else pretty bad too: the unplanned. If there’s something that gives me peace and reduces my anxiety, it’s order and plans. When I feel I’m in control, I can deal easily with anxiety; but when you’re on your holidays you just don’t plan too much, there’s no routine to follow, and that is something stressful to me. My friends tend to mock me for this reason, but I just channel my inner Monica Geller and response: Rules are good! Rules help control the fun!
That’s why September is my favourite month; I just love when everything is back to normal. When I was a kid, I used to love school, not because I wanted to be surrounded by people (most of them used to be cruel) but because I had my routine and I felt safe. Actually, anxiety is a natural response to dangerous situations. That’s right, when we feel anxious, we feel we are in danger. The problem is, for people who suffer from anxiety, we feel anxious in situations that aren’t really dangerous, but somehow we perceive them as being so.
Of course, the first day of school was a challenge to me, but it was just a day, and after that I knew I could control everything. I know holidays don’t end with the summer, and I still have to face Christmas in a few months, but I love Christmas. Christmas is different, maybe because it’s a time to be surrounded by your loved ones. It’s also quite a quiet holiday, you don’t usually go to the beach or to travel around the world with friends. You tend to stay at home during Christmas and I like that.
I know summer is not that bad, and I’m sure I will miss having some free time, but I’m glad the struggle is over. It takes a while to learn how to deal with anxiety in these situations, but I can’t help but to be happy now that holidays are over. And I know, when I say this I’m hated, but now I can feel everything in its place, I don’t have to deal with unexpected social situations. I feel fine again and that’s a satisfying feeling. I know this feeling won’t last, anxiety doesn’t really know about holidays or months, but at least I feel more secure now.