Over the past few years, the concept of the ‘friendzone’ has been met with ridicule, anguish and often anger. The idea that there’s a person in your life who you are 100% convinced would be your perfect match if only they would stop looking elsewhere, has been the basis of books, movies and television shows for years. We’ve all been there, fawning over the guy or girl in your friendship group that makes you incredibly happy and dream of a fairy-tale like future. But unfortunately, reality hits and your dreams are shattered when they frequently refer to you as just their ‘mate’, ugh.
A controversial opinion I know, but could it be that the friendzone is actually a good and safe place? I’ll use a situation of my own as an example.
Like many love stories it all began in the Summer when I was around 16-years-old. There was this guy, totally my type he was tall, Indian, had the sweetest smile, smart and banter that was off the charts. I couldn’t have picked a better guy. Naturally, he only saw me as a friend, a little sister and my 16-year-old heart just would not accept this. So I tried absolutely everything to get him to see me differently, I was charming (as charming as a 16 year old can be), I asked about his day, everyday (Ha!), tried to eat lunch with him often as possible, became an integral part of his friend group and helped organise his birthday parties on more than one occasion.
I even managed to score an invite to his secondary school graduation and best believe when he walked across the stage, I was one of the loudest voices screaming in the audience. Yet after all this effort, nothing happened. I was still just his friend, we never had a moment, there were no overt displays of flirting we were just. mates. I had taken up residence and bought a family home in the friend zone by default.
Looking back years later, I realised that by not giving me what I thought I wanted he saved me a lot of heartache. If he had come to me and said ‘Tedi, I have had a massive crush on you. D’you wanna give us a shot?’ I would have jumped at the chance to be with him, and the relationship would have consumed me. The thing about being in the friendzone, trying to manipulate and finesse your way out, is that you are putting so much effort into waving signs ‘Look at me! I’m right here! We’re perfect for each other, can’t you see?‘ that you give away your power, you leave the status of the relationship completely in their hands. There is a severe imbalance because only one person is being actively pursued. There’s no cheeky back and forth, no flirty banter it’s simply ‘I am here, pick me and just give me the opportunity‘. I would have taken the desperate mentality I had from trying to get him and simply refocused it into trying to keep him, compromising myself in the long run. I often even wonder if he would have been a good boyfriend? Would we be totally loved up or would he just enjoy being showered with my love and attention, later tiring of my clingy nature and thus leaving me brokenhearted.
Now, I’m telling my story of heartbreak to send a message. We all want love, we all want to be desired and we all want to be happy. However, I personally think that being placed in the friendzone was a blessing in itself and although at the time I didn’t think so, with age and wisdom I can say that by not considering me a partner, that boy protected my heart. The suffering I endured in the friendzone, would have been nothing compared to a broken heart from a failed one sided relationship.
So I say to you, maybe the friendzone is exactly where you want to be, instead of thinking of it like a jail cell consider it a holiday. It doesn’t have to be this dark place where you wait on one someone to call your name hoping for a reprieve, instead you get to bask in an amazing friendship, enjoy some eye candy and leave yourself open to being the object of someone else’s desire.
Ever been trapped in the friendzone? Share your stories with us @EatMoreCakeUK