The Ex Radar
It’s almost imperative that our exes find a way to make a comeback following the initial breakup; it’s something that we know is coming and something that we dread all the same. In the same way that individuals have a gaydar, many exes acquire the she’s-happy-let-me-try-and-ruin-that-dar. I’m specifically addressing the ex lovers that message you once a month via WhatsApp with the infamous words “So how’s your boyfriend?” I for one admit to being in this situation more than once. It’s as though past partners have an alarm built into their craniums – set to go off whenever you’re happy and settled – in a slimy bid to screw with your current love affair.
I’ve been in the tick ‘in a relationship’ box for a short time now and, since being in one, have received an abundance of text messages from men I cringe at the thought of ever dating. I not too long ago received a message from someone I had hoped to bury in the depths of relationships past. Not only was I shocked to see the name floating at the top of my screen, but worried even. My first thought being “Erm, didn’t he delete my number?”, the second being “Okay he has got to be texting the wrong Lauren because lol”. I couldn’t believe someone that had acted so erratic all but five months ago had the nerve to message me and invite me out for drinks, his exact words being: “You look good, thinking about it, we should probably go for a drink” … no.
I hear you asking, ‘What is it with exes and their clutch on the past?’ and I too wonder. Why can’t they just let it go? Again, I too wonder. Lest we just admit to our relationship or failure of being mere blip on our road to adulthood.
And if ever you feel like you’re the only one, you’re not alone. Here are some experiences from some anonymous individuals other than myself:
My ex invited me to pub with him, he’s the ‘what’s up’ king. He messaged me saying “Did you want to go for a drink later, haven’t seen you in a while can’t have you forgetting me”. I agreed and he replied “Oh by the way Kim will be there but she’s leaving soon” Kim is his girlfriend – Female, 18
I put up a photo of my girlfriend and me on WhatsApp and my ex messaged me seconds later. She was like “so how’s life?” I told her life couldn’t be any better right now, she told me life could always be better. I replied “I suppose, but right now there’s not much more I could ask for” to which she replied, “don’t forget I know you the most”, so I small loled and exited the conversation – Male, 24
I was with him for two years, I went on holiday for 5 weeks came back everything was different. Apparently he cheated, but I was too young and distraught to confront it and was scared to lose him. Eventually we broke up, but he started going crazy on me. He was outside my house throwing rocks at my window asking me to take him back, driving to my girl’s house to pick me up and get back with me. Then he turned nasty and had this guy prank call me, who somehow coerced me to his house and when I wouldn’t get back with him was screaming half naked crying after me. I could not deal – Female, 23
On my 21st birthday my friends and I went for a meal. My friend posted the standard happy birthday picture of me on Instagram, he commented and the table simultaneously heaved a heavy sigh – we knew what was next. He called and asked about my current boyfriend, told me he missed me and stated that my new boyfriend “wasn’t shit” and that I deserve better. After that conversation and a few drinks, I dumped that boyfriend – a move sparked by my ex’s bitter words. Fast forward to summer, I was back on the dating scene and seeing someone new, only to receive the “I hope you’re not going out with xyz” text. How did you know? Why do you know? What do you stand to gain from this? At that point I realised my ex wanted to ensure that I was as miserable and single as he was, all under the pretense of “being real with me and making sure I settle with a good man”. – Female, 22
A guy I was seeing in the past was so bad when I was in labour. He called my boyfriend at the time and threatened him. He even made a Twitter with the last 3 digits of my phone number and wrote my name at the end of it. I had to block him on everything because it took a toll on my relationship. We ended up breaking up and I’m single again now. – Female, 22