The Evolution of Fashion Don’ts
With a new year upon us, I thought it necessary to look back on all the terrible fashions that led us up to – what we hope – will be a fashionable 2016. From pastel colour Kangol hats to trouser-skirts, it’s a wonder we all made it out alive.
If like myself your mother was consistently on trend with children’s clothing, you will have also experienced the awkward ‘dress your child like a carefree gypsy’ phase. A long grassy skirt, usually brown, paired with a holey poncho and Chinese slippers to complete the look – sassy! A step-by-step of hasbeen garments, that not even your unsuspecting younger siblings would accept as hand-me-downs. Lest we go through the fashions that changed our outlook on style (or lack thereof), the trends – I personally hope – never come back in style.
Worn with lack of style, comes the ever unpopular Von Dutch hat. You were admittedly the shit if you owned one, and even more so if you owned the paraphrased ‘Von Bitch’ hat. Who was badass enough to own one of these bad boys? I bet your parents gave zero f**ks.
Evisu Jeans, because only the hottest of the HOTTEST guys wore these, why wouldn’t you want to look like you’ve just sat in fresh paint. Jeans that were proof of a parent’s love and approval for their sons to be players. Yes, all guys that wore these jeans broke hearts. Fact.
It’s hard to believe we ever wore jeans below the belly button, however hipsters were the IT thing. If your crotch wasn’t showing you weren’t doing it right! Although of course I wasn’t allowed to be a part of the ‘show your crotch’ trend, I’m very thankful I missed this golden age.
Tracksuit Bottoms with Poppers
Originally designed for athletes and sportsman, the tracksuit bottoms complete with poppers are a favourite submission of mine. Designed for what I can only assume is a Forrest Gump, legs free kind of getaway. Usually Kappa or Adidas, these bad boys were THE tracksuit bottoms to own. If you didn’t rock these in your PE lesson, you sir, had no style.
Reminiscent of Flashdance, the popular leg warmer trend made its comeback around 2003. Roundabout the time I’d hit the under 18 ‘raving scene’. Worn come Summer or Winter as a fashion statement, and not simply as a way to warm one’s leg – because that would be absurd. When you were feeling jazzy you may have even worn two different colours on either leg and if you were feeling really jazzy you may have even incorporated a fluorescent tutu. There was also the absurd trend of neon leg warmer – I’m ashamed to admit I was apart of this movement. I am simply a victim of my time.
“Kids, roll your way to childhood obesity” as once said by the wise-cracking Chandler Bing in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Why walk aimlessly behind your parents on a long and tiresome shopping trip, when you could roll? Nothing was more hip than pressing that button, popping out the wheels and looking like a floating angel in any and every setting. Gliding in the world’s clunkiest and most uncomfortable shoes. You looked cool doing it though.
A genius invention of its time. I’m not the slightest bit ashamed that I owned four to five pairs of these. Why wear just trousers or a skirt when you can wear both simultaneously. A bold fashion statement in the early millennium, you were nobody if you didn’t wear these on your school’s Mufti day. I’ve also recently discovered that you can still purchase these, get them while they’re hot!
Remember a time when the detail of your back pocket was the ‘thing’ that made your jeans fashionable. Without said details, jeans were simply empty vessels. In short, they were Baby without the Phat. Victoria Beckham knock offs were in every tween’s wardrobe at the time, myself included, and of course they were hipstered and flared.
If you were really groovy you’d have owned at least two of these, giant printed letters and a pop colour. Your first ever experience with colour blocking… kind of. Although these jumpers were already so retro that they could well make a comeback.
Although I’m aware these are going nowhere fast, they should be. Allowing your trainers to drown in your jeans was kind of cool for guys back then? Yes, because showing the entire design of said shoe would be utterly barbaric!
Let’s face it, we’ve all suffered from terrible fashions and are all now better people for it.
Having flashbacks of past terrible trends? Drop us a comment!