Dear My 14-Year-Old Self: What Not To Post On Facebook
Even to this day, we all have those debates with ourselves over whether we should ‘unfriend’ that guy who just wrote ‘Love you so much babe xxxx’ on his girlfriend’s Facebook wall. But then we probably decide that our sessions of Newsfeed scrolling just wouldn’t be the same without people like him.
Whether we can admit it or not, most of us went through a phase (probably in Year 8 or 9) of posting totally inappropriate statuses, so this will no doubt remind you of those cringey times.
Here are six things that I wish I could go back and tell myself (and the rest of my year) not to post on Facebook:
1. A personal message that would be better off as a text/direct message/email/letter by carrier-pigeon
Come on now, what with your 247 Facebook friends, you don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Posting something like “Hey, how r u? Check ur phone about tonite!!!!” on your mate’s wall just looks as though you want everyone to know that you do actually have friends in real life. Not only is it pointless (and quite frankly boring for everyone else), it will probably make the poor soul sitting at home watching TV with the parents feel fairly inadequate. This also applies to the ‘Love you so much babe xxxx’ guy. You have a girlfriend, we get it.
2. A ‘Feeling sad :(‘ status
These are usually followed by several “inbox me hun x” comments (which is exactly what you should have done in the first place, I might add). Yes, it sucks that you’re not feeling great, but judging by the responses, there are clearly plenty of people who are there for you. If what you really mean is “I’m lonely, someone talk to me”, then why not initiate a conversation yourself? Or, if you’re genuinely feeling low and need to talk, send a close friend a text instead of putting a downer on the Newsfeed mood.
3. Anything that includes the phrase ‘my girls’
Unless of course you are talking about your daughters, which hopefully you’re not at the age of 14. Possible examples include “Wicked sleepover with my girls, ur the best”, or “My girls r always there 4 me, luv u all so much xxxxxx”. To be fair, statuses like this are more acceptable on Twitter (so it’s a shame Twitter wasn’t really a thing at the time). If I’m being picky, then I’d rather you didn’t say ‘my girls’ on any form of social media, but let’s not be too pedantic. Freedom of speech and all.
4. An indirect rant
This is most commonly used when you want to let someone know you’re annoyed with them, but without the confrontation. Or maybe you just want someone to ask you if you’re okay. Either way, you make a particular effort to seem as though you’re at least trying to be subtle, but fail miserably. So here’s a classic example: your ‘bestie’ has just told your second bestie, who then told the blonde girl who sits behind you in Maths that you think the boy who plays the guitar in the year above is peng (hands up if you remember that word!?). In your distress, you turn to Facebook and post: “Just can’t trust some peeps. U think they’re there for u and then they go and tell every1. Can’t deal with this right now”. Hun, enjoy Year 9 while you can, things get worse.
5. A ‘Bored, like for a rate’ status
Yes, everyone else is doing it, and yes it’s nice to give people compliments, but do all your Facebook friends really need to see that you think you’re best friend is a 9.5 and has nice hair? And let’s be honest, you’re never going to give below about a 7, because that’s just mean. If in doubt and someone you don’t really know awkwardly ‘likes’ your status, it’s usually safest to just go with “8- Ur really pretty and nice”.
6. A profile picture with the caption ‘lol so hideous’
I’m sorry you’re insecure, but if you really did think it was a bad photo, I doubt you’d even post it, let alone set it as your ‘pp’. Maybe, just maybe, you’re hoping someone will disagree with you? That’s just a guess tho, lol.
Hopefully you’ve enjoyed reminiscing with me about the embarrassment that was your life in Year 9. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then count yourself lucky.
Have you got anything to add? Share it in the comments section below!