Bumping Into An Ex
So you’ve bumped in to your ex. Maybe it was a planned meeting to ‘clear the air’ or ‘try to be friends’ (neither of these actually mean what they seem) or perhaps it was one of those horrific freak accidents. You have been strangers for the past few months. But instead of mystery, this stranger has seen you at your worst, they’ve heard you’re darkest secrets and they know the exact position of that weird birthmark on your back. Vulnerable? Yes. Options? Two. Turn and run the hell away from there, or stay and start engaging in a contest of who is doing better post break-up. Here are my tips for surviving an encounter with an ex.
You’re angry, jealous and feeling instantly sick at the sight of them. All you want to do is start name calling and stamp on their face like they stamped on your heart. Try to keep your cool though, there’s no better way to get your own back than to pretend you’re far over them. In fact, what was their name again?
It’s important to find the balance between reeling off a list that proves how well you are and making your ex think you now spend your nights watching crying at Sex and the City re-runs and shouting at the screen that you’re a Samantha (I’m totally not speaking from experience). Or for a guy friendly version, watching Top Gear and shouting that you’re a Jeremy. (Is that the same thing?) It’s best to act calm and let them blurt out their life story. Then casually drop in two dirty lies about your new job or how how you’re training for the marathon followed by an excuse to leave because you have so many important things to get on with. They don’t have to know that means feeding your cat.
If you’re meeting up, start off with the attitude that no matter how good they look you will neither a) end up having an adult sleepover or b) profess your love and how much of a wreck you’ve been without them. It may be difficult, especially if there are clearly still feelings there but there are a couple of steps to help you keep your pants on:
- DO NOT GET DRUNK! There’s nothing wrong with a glass to calm your nerves, but you will not find your will power at the bottom of that bottle of wine you’re glugging.
- If you think there may be a chance of you getting sucked in to going back to their house for a ‘coffee’, make preparations. What thing would make you too embarrassed to sleep with them? Don’t shave your legs, write ‘Don’t you dare’ on your stomach, anything to stop yourself.
- Make a list before you go of all the reasons you split up and keep it on you for referral every time you find yourself staring into their eyes for a socially unacceptable amount of time.
Let’s just say the meeting goes well. They’ve changed and you start to think maybe there is a chance for you two. You have a nice time and you find yourself not wanting to say goodbye. Fast forward to the next day. You check your phone constantly for texts and start to day dream about him. Does he like me, does he not? It can feel as though you’re picking petals off a daisy and that’s not an admiral position to be in. Spend the next few days thinking over why you broke up and what has changed. Maybe you’re more mature? Or they are no longer wanting to ‘have fun’ and finally want to settle down with you? Perhaps this is the person you were always meant to be with, just the timing was wrong. If you can outweigh the cons and your stomach is flipping every time you think about (or Facebook stalk) them, then maybe it’s time to swallow the doubts and arrange a date. It could snap you back to the reality of why you broke up in the first place or it could just be the best love story to tell at your 20 year anniversary.
How have you dealt with bumping into your ex?